It’s 3 O’ clock in the morning. Why aren’t you sleeping?
Your mind is racing. Thought after negative thought enters your head like bullets riddling the side of a car during a shootout.
That last client thought you were an idiot; if you had just finished that second degree, you’d have made the sale.
You’re too slow when it comes to finishing your work; if you could only whip out ten great projects a day, then you’d be productive.
You’re so shy you’d rather read a book then start a conversation; if you just had more confidence and could make friends easily, then everyone you did business with would like you.
The emotional blows and the mental needling go on like this for hours and hours, destroying your self-esteem and making you feel like the biggest loser on the planet.
All you want to do is stay alive,…at least long enough to finish you latest creative project, but every emotion in you wants to tell you it’s not going to make a difference.
You’ll still be that failure that get zero results, a miserable self-blamer who get blamed for everything.
Tossing and turning you try desperately to stop thinking about all of your perceived failures but. . . . .
after all of this, you still can’t escape the inescapable conclusion . . . .
It’s all YOUR fault!!!
So when you wake up from yet another unproductive night of restlessness and insomnia you begin to wonder . . .
Will I ever succeed?
By now you desperately want an escape from the constant feelings of isolation and despair, but I’ll let you in on a little secret. . .
That’s right, feelings lie and so do many of the flawed thoughts that cause them.
While it’s difficult to get away from the negative thought patterns that keep you in a perpetual state of “self-blame”, dealing with them is absolutely vital for your physical and psychological health as well as the health of your business.
What if somehow, you could actually get a good night’s sleep!
Trust me, it’s not.
What if their was a way to stop the negative thought patterns that cause you to participate in your own “self-blame game”?
Well, there’s actually more than one way to stop the vicious “self-blame game” in it’s tracks before you start to believe your own negative hype!
Here are 20 suggestions for defeating the “self-blame” beast before it get’s the best of you.
1) Admit that you have a problem – When you admit that you have a problem with self-blame you bring the problem to the surface. It is no longer hidden. Now you can figure out how to deal with the areas that trigger your depression.
2) Identify the problem areas that cause you to self-blame – Make a list of all of the areas that cause you stress.
3) Create a “plan of action” – After you have created a list of the things that are bothering you, do some research. Create small goals/steps for dealing with each problem.
4) Adjust your diet – A diet full of preservatives and artificial flavors can sometimes have an affect on a person’s moods and overall well-being.
5) Remind yourself of all of the areas in which you excel – Make a list of all the areas in which you do succeed. Maybe you’re good at sports. Maybe you’re funny. When you check the list of the skills that you do possess, this will help you counteract the negative feelings that you get when you sense that you lack an important skill.
6) Learn a new skill or do an activity that involves problem solving – Activities that involve problem solving actually engage left-brain activity. Engaging left-brain activity helps to quiet the emotional right-brain response to everyday disappointments.
7) Ask a trusted friend or family member for additional support - A trusted friend or family member can help give you a different perspective as to the true extent of you problems. Sometime’s we tend to over exaggerate or blow things out of proportion.
8) Read trade magazines and journals – Trade magazines and journals are a great way to check out insider advice on how to solve common business problems that the majority of people face at some point in their careers. It always helps to know that others have gone before and faced the same or similar obstacles.
9) Seek help from a counselor or business consultant – Counselors can help you get to the root of why you self-blame. Business consultants can help you to approach those areas of your business that are lacking or are weak. These are the areas that probably trigger self-blame the most since many people’s feelings of failure are often tied into performance and competence.
10) Talk to other business owners and clients – Like trade journals, other business owners in a particular creative niche can provide much needed advice on how to solve the business problems that keep you up at night. Clients can tell you what is both positive and negative about your business practices so that you can begin to make improvements.
11) Find support groups - It is important to know that you are not alone. After all there are others out there that suffer from the same insecurities that you do. Knowing that you have a group of people that can support you that you in turn can support helps to improve you outlook on life and can help to alleviate situational depression.
12) Change your outlook- Try to focus on the “blessings” or positive aspects of your life. What are you grateful for?
13) Do small tasks or chores – Tending to small tasks or chores that you can finish easily gives you a sense of accomplishment. It gives you the sense that you are moving forward.
14) Learn from other people- Observe, learn and emulate people who are good in the areas in which you are having difficulty. You may not come out an expert, but you will eventually learn something valuable that you can apply to your business practice.
15) Volunteer to work with a charity – Self-Blame at it’s core is in fact a self-centered activity. Volunteering to help others takes you away from yourself and your problems.
16) Attend a creative business workshop – Workshops are great for helping entrepreneurs think outside the box. Maybe if you approached your problems from a different angle, you could begin to see the possibilities instead of focusing on the obstacles.
17) Listen and participate in a webinar or tele-summit – Webinars and tele-summits can offer helpful advice on common business problems. The Q&A part of webinars and summits also allow you to contact the professional directly even if you don’t live in the same state.
18) Join local business groups – Local business groups are a great way to access help, advice and support within your community. They are also useful for making contacts and networking. The more people you know, the easier it is to help your business grow.
19) Participate in an online forum – Online forums are yet another type of community setting in which forum members can ask appropriate questions of other members that are more experienced in certain areas of business. You may find that you can help to answer other members questions as well. Knowing that you can help someone else with their problems helps you to feel more confident and increases your self-esteem.
20) Spend time with friends and family – Finally, don’t forget to spend quality time with family and friends. No, we are not perfect, but it’s nice to know that despite our many faults, there are people that both love and care for us.
Here are some additional resources for overcoming self-blame:)
1) Steps to Stop Blaming Yourself – http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15455/1/Steps-to-Stop-Blaming-Yourself.html
2) Avoid All Forms of Self-Rejection: Stop Blaming Yourself – Beyond Blue – http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/beyondblue/2010/05/avoid-all-forms-of-self-reject.html